There is sometimes such a deep, abiding despair in my soul that I cannot even cry out for help. These past weeks have been like that, as I struggle to understand that battle in which my family is engaged. Yet this morning, as I sat in quiet time with the Lord, He spoke to my heart about my newest sin – new as in the latest one that He is revealing to me. It seems I sinned when I went to someone else for help rather than crying out to Him alone.
You wouldn’t think that was sin, would you? I certainly didn’t. I thought we were here to help one another make it through the days. My Lord saw it differently. You see, for many months He has been drawing me closer and closer into a deeper intimacy with Him. He has been grooming me for His purposes and He wants me to rely on Him, trust Him, reach for Him when I am in need, and totally depend upon Him. I knew that.
So this morning why did I reach for a flesh and blood friend? I don’t really know the answer to that except that I wasn’t hearing from Him and in my impatience I turned to a friend to see if they had an explanation and some kind of direction that I wasn’t receiving. As it turned out, they didn’t. The best advice they had was to sit and wait upon the Lord. (If I could insert a picture of a sheepish grin here, I would!)
After receiving this sage advice, I sat back in my prayer chair and waited on the Lord. It took all of about two minutes to receive the chastening of the Lord and His reminder that I belong to Him and Him alone and our ministry together is dependent upon our constant communion and trust of ONE ANOTHER.
Okay here’s a new one on me. The Lord is trusting ME??? After I let it sink in a bit I realized that yes, in fact, He was. He was giving me assignments and trusting me to carry them our according to His instructions. He was trusting that I wouldn’t substitute my own ingredients into the recipe, or hand it off to someone else to babysit for me. He was trusting ME to be reliable and dependable in the service He has for me. How about THAT?!? The God who created the universe is trusting ME!
With contrite spirit I repented before Him, asking for His forgiveness. He, as always, was faithful to offer that forgiveness along with some new revelations and a step deeper into His heart.
I have dusted off my knees and am now basking in the incredible peace and joy that comes from walking intimately with the King of Kings. Hallelujah!
So how is your day going?