Every moment of every day I am aware of the years of abuse.  Deep, dark recesses of my mind that have hidden away the details are also constantly nagging.  There is a part of me that believes there can never be any safety or any happiness in this life.  That part has gone into hiding and only emerges when the stresses and pressures and fears of the moment become so overwhelming that it must make itself heard.  It emerges in my dreams — vivid dreams that, when interpreted, tell the truth of my inner fears of being forced back into an abusive relationship somehow.

Yet I dwell in peace — a peace that passes all understanding.  There are moments when the clouds threaten to engulf me once again but I have grown quite adept at pushing them away and rejoicing in the healing that has taken place in my soul.

There really is only one way to be whole and that is by letting Jesus in and asking Him to heal that which has been broken and bruised and crushed under the heel of man.  When I asked the Lord to put the fragmented pieces of my soul back together again, I didn’t even know what that would look like.  I had been shattered for so long that I didn’t remember what it was to be whole.  I had spent years being ostracized and criticized and humiliated by co-workers and acquaintances who did not know my circumstance and consequently could not understand my behavior.  I had refused to talk to strangers and scurried like a scared rabbit whenever I was confronted with unfamiliar situations, people, or surroundings.

Six months ago I asked the Lord to put the shattered pieces of my soul back together again and to remove the walls and partitions I had erected between me and others.  I am amazed at what the Lord did in me.  Just six short months later and I don’t even recognize myself sometimes!  What was once a timid, reserved, introverted, anti-social creature has broken out of her cocoon to become outgoing and friendly and unafraid — of anyone!  Where I once dreaded each day I now awake with a song in my heart and joyful praise on my lips.  I am a new creature — or perhaps, I am simply the woman I was destined to be before the abusers tore me down and crushed my spirit.  Whichever it is, I can honestly say that my vocabulary is inadequate to express the gratitude I feel for what the Lord has done in me.

There are still battles to fight and victories to be won.  Yet I dwell in peace because I know the Victor and He has shown Himself faithful in all things.  I can walk through the next storm with my head up and a smile on my face because no matter what the circumstance, the battle belongs to the Lord and HE NEVER LOSES!

“In the midst of every storm I am there.   I hold your hand, I steady your walk.  I am, indeed, the victor.  If you want to win all of your battles you must rely on Me at all times.  Lean into me in the darkest moments.  No matter what it may look like to your eyes, know that I see an entirely different picture and I am making even this very crooked way straight and this path smooth for you.  Hold my hand.  Do not let go.  Do not turn your eyes to the circumstance.  Keep your eyes on me and follow in my footsteps.  Together we will win.  I love you and I will never let you go.  Don’t look down.  Don’t look around.  Keep your eyes on me!”

Deuteronomy 31:6 New King James Version (NKJV)

⁶ Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

The wind is whipping around the neighborhood today as if it were the middle of winter.  In truth, the weather is perfect except that we are braced for a tropical storm that looks like a no-show.  Like all of those in our area, I spent yesterday preparing for the worst — stocking supplies, preparing the emergency evacuation package, storing anything that was out of doors that might blow around or be tossed through windows.  And then, secure in the knowledge that I had done all I could, I went to bed and slept like a baby.

Now, at almost four in the afternoon, I’m feeling slightly betrayed by the weather.  True, it is windy.  But that’s all.  The sun is shining and the temperature outside is 76 degrees.  There is little to no humidity, and it feels like a perfect Indian-summer day.  And then it hit me — this is exactly what I had prayed for this morning.  I wanted the storm to go around us.  I wanted God to move this mountain away from us so that we would not suffer property damage of injury of any kind to ourselves or our neighbors.  WHOA!

God is amazing.  I am awed by His infinite mercy and grace.  Don’t get me wrong: I have not deluded myself into believing that I’m the only person who prayed for this storm to miss us.  Nevertheless, I am amazed at His faithfulness.  Even if I hadn’t prayed this morning, and the storm had passed by, I would have been filled with awe and wonder and gratitude for His divine intervention in the affairs of mankind.  How sweet is our God!

The events of the past two days rang another bell in my spirit.  This is exactly how I prepare when one of life’s storms comes upon me — storms of death or illness, financial loss, relationship losses:  I do what I can do, then I pray and let God be G-D!  I have weathered some truly black skies and horrendous winds in my life, but God has never let me down.  I have a friend in the middle of a horrendous battle right now and it looks really bad.  If she were to rely on her five senses she would be fearful and worried.  But she doesn’t, because she knows who she is and whose she is.  She trusts God to show up and take care of the situation, no matter how black those clouds are or how much wind is swirling around her — she knows Him and she knows He won’t let her down — not now, not ever.

God is ready, willing, and able to win any battle in our lives.  He knows what is best for us.  He knows what our future holds.  He isn’t surprised by our circumstances and He knows that when we come out on the other side, we will bring Him glory.

Does He always give us our way?  No, of course not.  Do you always give your children their way?  What parent would?  Parents know what is best for their children, and sometimes it is best for them to walk through the storm.  We learn so much while we are there.  And on the other side of the storm, we discover we have gained valuable insight and wisdom to help others make it through their storms.

God is good.  God is just.  God is faithful.  God is love.  And all He asks of us is to love Him in return and trust Him with the storms in our lives.  How can we not love such a God?

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.

Anyone who has walked with God for any length of time has figured out that God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus. Since I know He has a sense of humor I love to watch for it. Joy is one of the great gifts of God and I think He sometimes does things just to make us laugh.

Take for instance, my hair. Bear with me a minute….. I went to have my hair cut and styled a little over a month ago. Since the texture and curl has changed over the past year I thought it needed a cleanup to make travel easier. Now, you have to understand that I have rarely, I mean RARELY, been happy with the say my hair is cut by someone else. It’s like they don’t hear what I say when I tell them exactly what to cut and what to leave. So this time, not wanting to chance letting a novice touch it, I made an appointment at the local upscale salon/beauty parlor/massage therapist/spa – you get the drift. It was going to be expensive, I knew, but I really couldn’t deal with one more botched haircut.

You don’t sit in front of a mirror in this place when they cut your hair. They are artistes and therefore will reveal their creation when they are finished. I explained what I wanted and sat back to wait for the finished product.

It took over an hour. Snip snip. Spray. Snip snip. (Really?) Mousse. Gel. Blow-dryer. Comb. Brush. (OUCH!) An hour and sixty dollars later I had a beautiful stylish cut that would require a great deal of care and was not what I had asked for – well, technically, I guess it was what I asked for. It was shorter and layered.

I tried to deal with it and have been frustrated by it ever since. I do not have the time or inclination to spend thirty minutes a day styling my hair. Not only that, even when I try it never looks like it did the day it got cut/shaped/styled. This is why when I go to get it done I carefully explain that it has to be a no- to very low- maintenance style. Naturally, I was fed up. I’m about to leave the country again and have another trip in November. I simply cannot be messing with HAIR in the mountains of Guatemala!

With all of that in mind, earlier this week I walked into the local Hair Cuttery and told them I wanted it trimmed and shaped. They told me they needed to put all of my personal information in their computer before they could help me. I told them thanks, but no thanks, and walked away. This morning I drove eight miles to the next little local establishment and tried again. Thanks be to God, the girl said she would cut it. After fifteen minutes in her chair, she charged me thirteen dollars. Thirteen.

My haircut is adorable, if I do say so myself! It is EXACTLY what I wanted. After washing, it takes a minimal amount of finger shaping and it is done. No blow dryer. No curling iron. No flat iron. No hot rollers. Just arrange and go. I love it!

I’m pretty sure God is chuckling right now, because I know I am. I spent so much time and money trying to get something from the ‘experts’ and only got disappointed. Then I spent a little time and a little money with someone who LISTENED to me and got exactly what I wanted! You just gotta laugh!

Of course, there is a lesson in here for some of us. It’s a lesson about speaking what you want clearly and not settling for anything less. It is also a lesson about listening.

People are talking to us all of the time. I sense often that they are rarely listening to me but rather waiting for me to finish speaking so they can talk about whatever else is going on in their heads. How different our lives would be if we really listened to one another. We might hear things that surprise us. We might hear things that delight us. And, we might hear things we don’t necessarily want to hear. The point is, if we listen – REALLY listen – then we are able to help the one who is speaking. If we are not willing to listen to them and hear them we might as well not waste their time. People need to be heard and if we belong to Christ then we need to be the ones listening.

Father, give us eyes to see and ears to hear and hearts to understand.

James 1:19  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath

I love the Lord!  I love the way He’s always on time!  I love how He loves me!  I love that He honors my prayers and that He opens my eyes to see what He is doing in my life.  I love living life as a Christian.  When I think back on my pre-Christ days, I shudder.  Oh, thank you Jesus for finding me!

Relying on ourselves is the easiest way to disaster.  Oh, sure, we think we can do it all by ourselves.  WE make our plans and WE put them into action, and when things go wrong, WE tend to blame everyone else around us.  Perhaps they didn’t cooperate.  Or maybe they had their own plan and cut us off at the pass.  Perhaps they weren’t “as smart as we are” and couldn’t see the big picture. Whatever our excuse, WE stick to our plan and revise it and amend it and continue to try to make it work all on our own.  And sometimes, when we are really frustrated with everyone else’s lack, we lash out.  WE demean them, chastise them, denigrate them, and make them feel unworthy and worthless.  WE are our own worst enemy.

I have discovered through many years of trial and error that there’s a secret to living life in the midst of disaster:  it is in relying not on myself, but on the Lord of Glory.  He can take the most vile tongue and turn it into sweet music.  He can pick up the broken pieces of a soul and mend them, creating a beautiful work of art.  His smile of approval sets my heart singing and my spirit soaring.  His unconditional love makes my worst mistakes look like small pebbles on a rocky beach.

Through the years I have often turned to the Lord asking for Him to change me —  Change the way I think about a matter —  Mend my heart and help me to forgive —  Take my tongue and turn it to good and not to evil.  During this past year I have been asking the Lord to control my tongue — to make my speech gentle and my manner loving and humble.  These are not easy prayers to pray!  I know the Lord and I know that when I pray these kinds of prayers He will honor them, for this is exactly what He wants to make me:  gentle, loving, kind, humble.  And honor this prayer, He did!

This week I experienced what I can only describe as a miracle transformation.  I have been slowly changing for a few months, but this week I saw for myself to what extent the Lord of Glory had changed my heart and spirit.  In the midst of horrendous trials with customers and employees a brand new ME emerged!  Where I once would have snapped and snarled and threatened, I instead offered comfort, wisdom, retraining, AND — beyond belief — joined the crews in 90 degree weather while we repaired what should have been done right in the first place!  And miracle of miracles, I didn’t complain, I didn’t browbeat, and I didn’t make them feel like they were worthless.  Instead, by the grace of God, I was able to offer gentleness, lovingkindness and humility.  Only God can do that!

The outcome?  My employees are working more diligently than before; my customers are uber-happy; and my ‘team’ is really functioning as a team.  I feel GREAT!  And so do they.

The Lord is faithful.  If we want to be changed into His image, He will change us.  Sometimes it seems to take forever, and sometimes you turn around and BLINK, and the change has been enacted.  It takes a commitment of the heart.  But guess what?  It doesn’t take trying!  We cannot STRIVE to become like Jesus Christ!  We STRIVE to surrender to His Holy Spirit and submit ourselves to HIM, and He will do the work in us.

Praying for all of you who want to be more like Jesus.  I know that’s what He wants too!

Psalm 18:35 (NKJV) You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. . . .

When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Lord lifts up a standard. It is that standard I am blessing this morning. The enemy has surely come in like a flood. My fast is over and I have a $2,000.00 repair bill on the bumper of my NEW car, an assault against my family that has split it wide open, and now my daughter has two bulging discs in her back pressing on a nerve bundle that has totally debilitated her. Unable to work, her husband’s salary won’t support their family, no health insurance, and no naturally visible solutions for their woes.

BUT GOD!

The grace of God, the peace of God, the mercy of God are pouring down upon me like a sweet, spring rain. I’ve had to cancel one mission trip because of the great storm and I felt SO bad about that. I had failed God. I let family circumstances interfere with world missions. This morning, however, He met me here with words of encouragement and although I FELT like the one who had said he would go and then didn’t go, the Lord reassured me that my life and my times are in His hands — and He offered grace for my failure.

I sense I am on the edge of a brand new life – a brand new way of life. I do not know what plan the Lord has for the rest of my life but I am trusting Him to bring it to pass, and that trust has ushered in even greater peace.

If I were operating in the natural and someone handed me a plan, I would meticulously follow it to ensure the final goal would be reached. But God hasn’t handed me a plan. He has simply told me He has a plan and He will bring it to pass. So there isn’t much I can do unless He gives me a piece of the puzzle. When He does, I can be obedient. I think that is why I felt like such a failure when I canceled my mission trip – I thought it was part of the bigger plan that I did not see and therefore I was failing to complete my part of the plan. BUT GOD!

He has spoken to my heart and assured me that His plan for my life will be fulfilled. He has made it clear that I can do nothing to thwart His plan. I am not Jonah, running away from my calling. I am like Peter, who invited Christ to sup in his home and to touch his mother with healing.

God has a plan for each of our lives and He will bring it to completion. I have spent far too many hours agonizing over what His plan is for my life in an attempt to understand and to change my habits, behaviors, and lifestyle to fit His plan. What He has shown me this morning has broken another shackle off of my life. It is simply this: It is His plan. He is responsible for the implementation of the plan. He has chosen each of us to play a part based upon who He created us to be. He is not calling each of us to change in order to implement the plan, but rather, the implementation of the plan will bring about whatever change He deems necessary.

I have been making this harder than it has to be. God loves us and wants us to play a part in His amazing story. He has assigned roles and is placing us in the positions we need to be in in order to fulfill the call He has placed on our lives. We are in training every single day, right where we are.

I would love to see the big picture, but I know that if I do I would do something to screw up the plan and cause more effort than is necessary to get to the goal. So today I am, once again, resting in His love and the sweetness of His embrace, trusting Him to bring to pass whatever it is He is preparing for my life and the lives of my children.

And I’m trusting Him for your life too!

One of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen was a young man escorting his bride to their waiting limousine. He held her hand gently, his arm around her back and lovingly cradling her other elbow in his other hand. His eyes seemed to take in everything that was happening around them while at the same time watching the ground before her so she wouldn’t stumble and still managing to let his gaze caress her face at frequent intervals. When they reached the limousine he carefully guided her to her seat, making sure she was protected and her clothing unscathed and, when he joined her on the seat, his position was one of protector and defender still maintaining an atmosphere of absolute devotion.

Such a sight is enough to make the heart of one who has never experienced such love begin to ache while tears come unbidden to the corners of the eyes. For those who have experienced such love in their lifetimes it is a sight that brings a reminiscent smile and joyful misting to the eyes. And for those who are in the midst of such love it brings joyful smiles and quick hugs as the emotions are shared.

For me, it was a reminder of just how much Christ loves me (us). He has taken up the position of protector and defender in my life while at the same time lavishing me with a love and devotion that is unparalleled by anything in my experience. Christ has, for me, already become my bridegroom. His leading is gentle and loving, His care is passionate and His love is …. well, beyond description. My vocabulary is inadequate to describe the depth and breadth of Christ’s love.

In my many travels I have always experienced the incredible peace that accompanies the Bride under the care of the Bridegroom. Whenever I am abroad His Spirit is with me, making sure I am cared for and protected. Accommodations are always more than adequate as is the bounty set before me. In truth, the only time I have felt like I wasn’t getting the proper nutrition was when I was in London – go figure! Yet in all of the physical aspects He is more than enough and, I have found, on the spiritual level His presence seems to magnify when I am not at home in my own little abode.

It is this care, this amazing love, that makes me feel so inadequate and unworthy. As hard as I try to follow His example of love, I invariably fall short. Even more amazing is that when I fall short He meets me right where I am and picks me back up, dusting off my knees and setting me back on my feet to continue going forward. And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me how much He loves me……ME!

Each day we are called to take His love to the lost, hurting, dying world. Each day. Some days I succeed, some days I fail. But each day He provides opportunities for us to be a witness, an ambassador, of His love. My prayer today is that you experience a new revelation of the depth of Christ’s love for you and that you, in turn, share some of that overflow with another.

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son…..”

Everything has a beginning and an end, even though we are sometimes unable to see it. Since coming to the Lord I have become comfortable with unanswered questions and concepts that are beyond my ability to comprehend. I dwell in a land of possibilities – dreams and plans and hopes – all of which are under the direction of Almighty God and thus completely possible. Very little surprises me anymore though there is much that brings delight and joy as I watch the Creator of the Universe change circumstances and move mountains to fulfil His promises and complete the works He has begun.

So, I wasn’t really surprised when I was awakened at 1:00 a.m. and heard a whispered “The end is the beginning.” Okay. I’m okay with that. And then, in completely uncharacteristic fashion for me, I asked “What end?” Are we talking about the end of my 40 week fast which is just around the corner? Are we talking about the end of life? Are we talking about the end of a relationship, or business, or ministry? What exactly are we talking about here?

I meditated on those questions for a bit and then forced myself out of my nice warm bed into the COLD family room at 3:00 a.m. Reaching for my Bible I offered a little disgruntled prayer heavenward, reminding the Lord that I’m not all that smart and if He’s trying to tell me something then it really needs to be clearer than the cryptic ‘the end is the beginning’. Sometimes I get so worn out trying to understand what needs to be understood, and I felt this was one of those things that needed to be understood because He was trying to communicate with me.

How wonderful it would be to say I had an epiphany or revelation as I read the verses that were displayed before me. I didn’t. I received many scriptures that spoke of mission trips – taking the truth to places previously unknown and sharing God’s love with people. This was followed with an entire study on power and authority, at the end of which I got an itch to study something called ‘unrealized power’. In my mind that was an indictment of believers who had failed to execute their calling, but what I discovered in my study was something entirely different. The Holy Spirit began to teach me about those who are operating in their gifts but whose power and authority are not recognized by those around them. Like Jesus who couldn’t do many miracles in His own home town because the people would not or could not believe He had such power. The limitation wasn’t in Jesus, it was in those around Him. Or when He calmed the storm and those present began to question what sort of man He was.

So what does all this have to do with my cryptic message? Well, as near as I can make out it is a jigsaw puzzle and I have to put the pieces together in a way that exposes the message. Perhaps the end of my fast will be the beginning of a new ministry in which people who know me will not acknowledge or recognize the power and authority the Holy Spirit will wield through me. That message makes sense to me in light of the hours I spent trying to figure it all out, but I will continue to meditate on it all and see if there is something else I am missing. Perhaps it is just a small piece of a bigger puzzle which will be revealed in stages. Only God knows for certain.

Nevertheless, I am spending each day in anticipation as I watch for the hand of God moving in my life and the lives of those around me.

Praying you exist in an atmosphere of joy and anticipation!

It’s funny how naïve I can be, even at my age! Yet I am always surprised when I see how gullible we can be and how easily we can fall into the traps of the enemy. For myself, I am learning how to look for truth in the midst of all of the hyped-up messages being fed to the masses via news networks on television, radio and the internet. There is a lot of ‘junk’ to wade through and some of it that is so loudly denounced often turns out to be so very true.

A lot of what is out there has the primary purpose of keeping the masses distracted away from what is really going on. Most of it is intended to either outrage or terrify, and sometimes both. Like sheep being led to the slaughter people will believe what they are told to believe and will react, predictably, just as the purveyors of terror want them to react. It is sometimes so very sad to see that even Christians, who are supposed to know who holds the future and even have it written out for them, can become so gripped by fear that it paralyzes them.

Jeremiah 29:11   For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace, and not evil, to give you a hope and a future.

Peace. Hope. Future. That is the Lord’s plan for us.

Within the Christian community these days the cry of ‘Rapture’ and ‘Tribulation’ and ‘End of Days’ is so loud it is deafening. Everywhere I turn – whether to television or radio or internet – Christian leaders and laymen are pleading, crying, and shouting about the last days. The end is near (or here, depending upon who you listen to). I heard one person shouting his message from a pulpit, giving scripture and citing specific current day events that absolutely confirmed (at least, to him) that the rapture was imminent and Christ’s return just a matter of days! “Get Ready!” he shouted. And shouted. And shouted.

Jeremiah 29:11   For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace, and not evil, to give you a hope and a future.

Fear mongers. As any Christian knows the work of Christ is a work of grace. There is nothing to ‘get ready’ for – a true believer is already saved and is resting in that assurance, and no amount of getting ready is going to change their position in the Kingdom of God. We are either saved or we’re not – it is not possible to work our way into the Kingdom or to perform some acts of penance for the way we have lived. Either we are living for Christ or we aren’t – there is no middle ground. So, if you are a true believer, you are already ‘ready’.

Beloved, Christ is coming again and yes, He is going to call His true church out of the world before that happens. BUT – no one knows when that will be and even though it appears the world is spiraling out of control that is no reason to fear if you know Jesus, because He has a plan for you, to give you peace and hope and a future.

If you DON’T know Jesus or have chosen not to accept Him, or if you made a profession of faith but have never truly gotten to know Him or lived for Him, I encourage you to reconsider. We don’t want to be unprofitable servants. There is a peace available to those who know Him that goes beyond all understanding, and in the midst of these storms you can walk in His peace and joy, in the assurance that your future is secure in His hands.

If you DO know Jesus, I encourage you to get out among the masses and spread His peace. They are in desperate need of voices of reason and sanity amidst all the insanity.